Dancing with the Washed Up Stars: A Look at This Season’s Contestants

1 Mar

Last night, ABC announced the contestants for the 12th season of “Dancing With the Stars.”  The list of “stars” more closely resembles a list of “burning out stars in danger of morphing into black holes”, but the beauty of the show is its ability to entertain viewers by creating a need for us to develop rooting interests in one or several of these “stars.”  This year promises to be no exception to the rule.  So The Floor Seats has conducted some scientific research to determine which contestants stand the best chance of winning Season 12.  Some facts to keep in mind as you get amped up for the season premiere on March 21st:

  • An athlete has either won or placed second in 8 of the 11 seasons of DWTS.
  • Musicians have also fared quite well, with a combined 3 first place finishes and 3 times finishing as runner-up.
  • Actors/actresses (a relatively loose term if you include models that have an acting credit to their name) have had mixed success so far on DWTS, with 3 first place finishes but also 2 last place finishes.
  • An athlete has never finished last.
  • Two musicians have finished last.
  • Reality stars have had the worst success so far on DWTS, with 7 last place finishes in 11 seasons.

11. Petra Nemcova (80:1)  – She’ll be easy to root for, considering she’s attractive, has performed quite a bit of philanthropic work in her young career, and has survived her share of tragedy (she and her fiancée were in Thailand during the 2004 tsunami:  she suffered serious injuries; her fiancée lost his life).  But she has 11 seasons of DWTS history working against her.

10. Mike Catherwood (75:1) – When your own Wikipedia page doesn’t even have a single photo of yourself, it’s probably a sign that you aren’t really a star.  Apparently Mr. Catherwood is a radio personality who has experience as a personal trainer.  His athleticism gives him a puncher’s chance to win.

That kind of dancing won't earn you 10's from the judges Kendra.

9. Kendra Wilkinson (60:1) – If the show was entitled “Pole Dancing with the Stars”, her odds of victory would improve exponentially, but in its current format, she faces an uphill battle.  She probably won’t garner many votes from viewers possessing strong traditional values, and as our research indicates, reality stars almost never fare well on the show.

8. Kirstie Alley (55:1) – There will be plenty of DWTS viewers that will remember Kirstie as a camera darling from her roles as Rebecca Howe in “Cheers” and Mollie Jensen in “Look Who’s Talking”, but then those same viewers will remember her in her other roles that required her to be in front of a camera, like Mollie Ubriacco from “Look Who’s Talking Too” and “Look Who’s Talking Now”, and as Kirstie Alley in “Fat Actress.”  That’s too much bad and fat acting to make up for her quality acting. 

7. Ralph Macchio (40:1) – It was tempting to include Ralph in the athlete category due to his legendary role in “The Karate Kid” franchise, but executing a killer crane kick to power 80’s ballads isn’t enough to make us forget the fact that his last relevant role in TV/film was in “My Cousin Vinny” in 1992.

6. Wendy Williams (40:1) – Wendy promises to be a polarizing figure on this show.  Viewers will either quickly warm to her larger than life personality, or cast her aside for the same reasons.  Her Wikipedia page states that musicians such as Jay-Z, Mariah Carey, 50 Cent, and Lil Wayne have all negatively criticized her in their music lyrics.  The Wiki page also states that a movie chronicling her life, entitled “Queen of Media”, wrapped in August 2009 and was set to be released some time in 2010.  A quick check of imdb.com provides no further details about the film.  A wild card contestant in every sense of the term.

5. Chris Jericho (25:1) – Yes, wrestlers are athletes, which automatically makes Chris somebody to take seriously in this competition.  He has prior dancing experience from prancing around the wrestling ring for WWE, and has even taken a stab at television game shows as host of ABC’s “Downfall”.  His decades of experience in front of the camera will allow him to charm a lot of viewers (or at least make him think he can charm them).  As long as avoids getting into altercations with the judges (such as the one in this link), he’ll be okay.

4. Hines Ward (15:1) – Despite his reputation as a dirty football player, the fact remains that he plays WR for one of America’s most popular and successful football franchises, and possesses the athletic ability to execute any dance move required of him.  One thing to keep an eye on: considering NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell’s penchant for using large fines to Steelers players, will Goodell attempt to fine Ward for any “inappropriate conduct” or “excessive celebration” during the show?

3. Sugar Ray Leonard (12:1) – An all-time great in the boxing ring, Leonard now jumps into the dancing ring to try his hand at DWTS.  Despite being 54, he looks like he’s about 40, and more than capable of handling the physical rigors of the show.  2 fun yet unrelated facts: he’s Khloe Kardashian’s godfather; and he’s a very popular motivational speaker within Fortune 500 circles.

2. Chelsea Kane (10:1) – A relative unknown to most viewers, she has acting and singing experience, and comes from the Disney Channel’s family of young, energetic, and talented performers.  Last season, a fellow alum of the Disney Channel, Kyle Massey, finished second.  Is Chelsea poised to follow in Kyle’s footsteps?  Will people even know who she is if she does finish as runner-up?

1. Romeo (5:1) – Romeo is a jack of all trades that has everything it takes to win the competition.  Just look at his impeccable bloodlines: son of Master P and Sonya C, and nephew of C-Murder and Silkk the Shocker.  Nothing says ballroom dancing phenom like having those rap legends at your annual Thanksgiving Day dinner.  Although it’s probably best if you hide the turbo powered turkey carving knife from anybody with Murder or Shocker in their names.  Oh, and Romeo also was a good enough high school hoops player to earn a full ride to USC.  A combination of athlete-musician-actor?  You’re looking at your season 12 winner.

Romeo, oh Romeo, we dost think thou shall win the competition.


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